when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom