ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?