Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me