It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?