So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.