it hurts more in the daytime
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
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No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it