Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
