I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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