Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
