i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
