Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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