Your dad touched me again.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
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I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
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That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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