I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
