my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
