no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
