these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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