Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
