i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Ladies don't puke and tell
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
