Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
