why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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