Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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