I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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