I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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