That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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