Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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