i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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