I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
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Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
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Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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