So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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