He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
