I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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