I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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