I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
