Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
