My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
