On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
