how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
