What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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