I'm going to jail i love you
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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