5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
