If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
