I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
