i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
