I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
