its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
