he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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