I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
