Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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