the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
