but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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