How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
