She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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