Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
