Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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