Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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