you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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