Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
