I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
