My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
