you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
