So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
