dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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