There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
When are your genitals available?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
