I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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