so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
its not stalking. its research.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
