my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
