I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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