I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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