I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
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I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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