3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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